In one of the most revealing episodes of the Decode Real Compass podcast - renowned Relationship Coach Charu Seth peels the layers of love, control, trust, and connection. This blog unpacks the effective insights shared in the episode—helping you spot red flags, understand green lights, and build relationships rooted in respect, empathy, and emotional safety.

Red Flags: The Warning Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore

Love isn’t always butterflies and sparkles—it can get messy, confusing, and even painful. And often, we omit the crimson flags till we’re too deep. Here are the delicate but effective symptoms that scream "proceed with caution."

1. Gaslighting

When your companion makes you query your reality—"That in no way happened," or "You’re overreacting." It chips away at your confidence in yourself. To turn it around, and completely negate the your partner’s feeling of the situation is robbing them of their reality and emotion, a very destructive behavioral pattern.

2. Disguised Criticism

Backhanded compliments and "jokes" that make you feel small or ridiculed are not funny—they’re damaging.a very damaging behavior pattern that instills low self- worth and confidence.

3. Inconsistent Behavior

When they bathe you with affection one day and turn out to be cold the next, it can feel destabilizing and manipulative. Manipulative behavior that frowns on inconsistent patterns gradually festers into resentment and neglect.

4. Controlling Tendencies

Dictating what you wear, who you meet, or how you spend your time isn’t love—it’s control. Ignoring your partner’s need for their individuality, and autocracy is a controlling and manipulative behavior. This robs them off their individuality, and their sense of self and purpose.

5. Refusal to Apologize or Take Accountability

"You’re too sensitive" or "That’s no longer what I said" are clear symptoms of emotional immaturity and negative communication. If one cannot learn to apologize and be accountable for their actions, that would mean they lack emotional maturity. Every relationship needs a time to reflect on, to create a space together.

6. Conditional Love

If your real worth in the relationship feels tied to a particular trait or physical attribute, they might find it very attractive but , that's not love—it’s an electricity imbalance. When you cannot be completely and wholly yourself, and put on a show to gain their attention, and acknowledgment - be cautious.

7. Stonewalling & Silent Treatment

Refusing to have interaction in conversations or specific thoughts indicates a lack of recognition and unwillingness to develop together. To avoid/ shutting down without a giving a heads up immediately for for days is very damaging emotionally, to the significant other, because it send them in a tailspin of - “What did I say wrong”? “ How can I make it right”?All these doubts begin to lower your self- worth to become a better, forgiving person to maintain the peace in a relationship. A very unhealthy and damaging pattern in any relationship.

8. Dismissive Communication

Statements like "You're overthinking," or "You shouldn’t experience that way" invalidate your emotions. By being dismissive you are invalidating their feelings, behavior and attaching a judgment to their words/ behavior. Instead of listening, and understanding where it’s coming from, you begin engaging in dismissive behavior that enables them to create self - doubt every time they communicate.

9. Manipulation & Guilt

Twisting boundaries with phrases like "If you cherished me, you would…" is emotional coercion.

10. Generational & Unresolved Patterns

Unhealed trauma from childhood or previous relationships can bleed into the present—only conscious effort and unlearning those patterns can heal them.

11. Third-Party Interference

Remember it’s your relationship between you and your partner—not the entire family, or extended family. Prioritize your bond, and people, nurture and protect it. By setting clear boundaries for others - you are sending a clear signal of what’s acceptable and what’s not, and assuring your significant other that the sanctity of this connection matters most.

12. "My Way or the Highway" Mentality

Relationships are now not a dictatorship. Lack of compromise leads to resentment and disconnection. To be able to share without judgment, bias, or one man upmanship is a green flag. If it turns to “ my way or the highway” remember it’s not about the relationship- it’s CONTROL, POWER and Ego. It’s not nobody’s job to please the other constantly to be validated or acknowledged. That’s a one - sided relationship, not a partnership.

Green Lights: Signs You’re in a Healthy, Thriving Relationship

Now that we've tackled the red, let’s discuss green—the signs and symptoms that factor towards emotional safety, mutual respect, and proper partnership.

1. Open, Honest Communication

Both companions express their emotions clearly, pay attention actively, and take care of disagreements with respect. Seen, heard, acknowledged and understood is the key.

2. Emotional Safety & Empathy

When there’s no judgment, and you can be of your authentic self without any pretense - that’s a safe relationship. A bond that’s whole, true, and strengthened by strong positive emotional languages, that comes from a place of empathy and vulnerability.

3. Shared Values & Goals

This is one of the most significant trait of a partner or relationship one must pay attention to. Our values form the foundation of our lives and it’s deeply rooted to our self, and connects our long term relationships, if we are aligned in our shared values, and open about our goals / aspirations and accepting and supportive of each other's growth, where one can envision a future together. I see that as an indication of a long term relationship.

4. Mutual Effort

Teamwork makes dream work. Both companions provide and get hold of in equal measure. It begins and ends with US - it's no longer a one-sided relationship or ME vs YOU. Nurture the connection to grow together inward with, mutual effort and respect.

5. Emotional & Physical Intimacy

To be communicative in our relationship, to express our needs, and vulnerability in a safe environment builds stronger bonds. Emotional vulnerability without judgment provides safety and physical intimacy becomes the expression of that deeper connection. It's not one or the other.

6. Encouragement for Personal Growth

A supportive companion always celebrates your individuality and cheers you on without jealousy, insecurities. It comes from a place of appreciation. Is your best cheerleader and also the honest person who gives feedback on your personal growth that encourages you to reflect. That is a partnership rooted 8n love, respect, and growth for each other that stems from a place of - US.

7. Vulnerability & Trust

Being emotionally open and creating a space to be vulnerable is a healthy aspect of a relationship. To prioritize and build on vulnerability in a relationship requires - emotional growth, strong sense of self, and the intention to create a partnership without being judgmental. Being consistent, with mutual effort, and utmost trust and care, being seen, herd, and understood, trust is established by being open, consistent and showing up. Trust is built on, not expected.

8. Aligned Words & Actions

Words are just words. Saying "I’m sorry" without a modified behavior is merely just words. But if those words come with acknowledgment of changing the behavior, and an action plan that’s put in place, then one can see the alignment of the words and actions, that strengthens the connection further.

9. Healthy Conflict Resolution

You don’t keep away from hard conversations. You unravel them together—with empathy. By listening to understand and comprehend not to be “ right” or engage in “ I told you so “ phrases. conflicts are a part of growing in a relationship, not having one is unrealistic, but to engage in a conversation with boundaries, and to communicate openly without being dismissed or fearful of any repercussions is healthy conflict resolution.

10. Shared Vision for the Future

As shared values - our vision, aspirations need not be identical, but we do need to be on the same web page to create a road map to fulfill it together. A vision of the structure of the relationship, the personal and professional goals, the geographical location, our interests and goals, expectations from the relations where it’s headed have to be discussed and in alignment, if not the differences will lead to many conflicts and heartbreaks. A unified vision where individual goals are respected mutual ones are constructed together.

11. Laughter & Joy

Don’t underestimate the energy of humor and playfulness—it keeps the bond sturdy and light. Try not to take each other and yourself very seriously at all times. Relationship is a constant woe, effort, love and many joyous moments created together, so learn to live a little and laugh more.

🔍 How to Identify These Signs in Your Relationship

• Trust Your Gut—Your instincts are regularly the first to spot trouble.
• Watch the Patterns—Repeated behaviors count more than remote incidents.
• Communicate—Have challenging conversations. Be sincere and respectful.
• Lean on Support—Talk to friends, family, an expert coach or a therapist when matters seem overwhelming.

❤️ Final Words

Relationships aren’t perfect—they take work, awareness, and ongoing commitment. But recognizing the signs—both crimson and green—can set you on a course to deeper connection, not confusion.

👉 Listen to the full podcast episode here:

Click right here to pay attention to "Red Flags, Green Lights" with Charu Seth